Sometimes I feel like I’m not enough, not exciting enough. With my long braids, popping highlighter and closing septum piercing, I call this phase my plain Jane phase. This insecurity comes from me seeing others do way cooler things than I could even imagine, but that comparison is poisonous.“I know I’m not unique, so for anyone who feels insecure in themselves and intimidated by other people living their lives, firstly stop being a loser, secondly”:
You don’t have to have an eccentric style.
You don’t have to listen to (classical) movies or watch (rustic) music, silence is fine.
You don’t have to have a cool interesting hobby that could turn into a dime.
And you don’t have to be poetic, this doesn’t have to rhyme
You don’t have to enjoy quirky clubs
You don’t have to do drugs
You don’t have to travel the world or meet new people
You don’t have to be friendly or talk to strangers
You don’t have to have exciting stories to tell
You don’t ‘have to’ anything but you have to be you
You have to wake up every day,
until you don’t.
Being remarkable is cool, but what’s even cooler?
Being and loving
You
***
From a young age, I’ve been ‘different’. People have always pointed to my ‘eccentricity’. At first it was my Aunty telling me I had no sense of fashion and sending my sisters up to check what hideously combined items of clothing I’d thrown on this time before instructing me to change. Then I became “high fash Woj” (wow!), who was so hell-bent on showing up to places dressed a little differently that we could not but mock (or maybe it was genuine appreciation, I never really cared). As I grew older and exposed myself to more (‘alte’) people (now commonly known as ‘creatives’), like Frankie felt when she moved to Santa Fe “I fit right in!”.
It’s nice, having someone that notices how you combined your sparkly and fishnet socks even though they are only just creeping out of your ankle boots, or someone who flies out to San Francisco and Japan because she is equally as curious about the world. It is nice. But seeing that friend who noticed your socks wear the coolest outfits always or your travel buddy hitting Singapore and South Africa and thinking I COULD NEVER, you feel a little unremarkable. As someone who thought I would always stand out, not standing out can be… disappointing. But, seeing as my principle motive in life is to be self-aware, I didn’t let this embarrassing insecurity linger for long. I reminded myself that the thing that mattered most of all is that I love my (un)remarkable self. I hope my words helped you achieve that too.
